"STAY AT HOME”, MY ASS. AND A LAZY ASS IT IS, APPARENTLY.

Today, in review:

6am: Alarm goes off, take shower, get dressed.

7am: Wake kids. Make breakfasts, help with clothes, help with hair, prepare snacks and lunches for school, continue helping with clothes and hair brushing because God forbid anyone do anything for themselves around here.

8 am: Drive kids to school, visit Book Fair with smallest child since allowance is burning a Junie B. Jones-sized hole in her pocket. Agree to help teacher with spelling project.

8:30 am: Return home. Start a load of laundry, fold a clean load of laundry. Clean bathroom, pick up living room. Put away remainder of fall decorations, pay bills.

10 am: Leave house. Make third visit in one week to newly opened Hobby Lobby store to begin shopping for Christmas presents (yes, I am that anal and begin shopping this far in advance.) Visit wellness center for first work out session complete with strength training and cardio (note to self: NO NEED to tell the internet about the geriatric who totally kicked my ass on the treadmills.) Stop by grocery store and pick up all the items our family simply cannot live without yet manage to run out of every three days: dog food, paper towels, and bananas; items which somehow manage to make mad passionate grocery-love and multiply into $94.00 worth of stuff in my cart. Make side trip to bank to wire money to title company in Oklahoma who just informed us today that they cannot accept personal checks, which is what I sent to close on a home Blaine and I are purchasing, and oh by the way we have until the close of business today to get them the money or the contract we spent an hour getting notarized and signed earlier this week will be null and void. Make quick trip to Sonic because all this running around is making me thirsty, naturally, and I can always justify my daily DDP.

1pm: Arrive back home, unload groceries and Christmas presents, put away. Fold another load of laundry. Eat dinner leftovers for lunch. Return two phone calls; pack small cooler with snacks and bottled water for kids.

2:30 pm: Leave to pick kids up from school. Make two more phone calls while waiting for them to be dismissed.

3:15 pm: Take Brayden to ceramics class across town. While driving, dispense drinks and snacks in car. During her class, while she is doing whatever it is creative types do, help Kellen and Kendrie with homework.

4:30 pm: Drive all three kids back across town for baseball practice (Kellen) and soccer practice (Kendrie) stopping for quick dinner on the way.

5:15 pm: Do the “kid-swap” with Blaine, so he can take Kellen to his practice and I can take Kendrie to hers.

6 pm: Sit through hour and a half soccer practice, working on sorting/flashcard/spelling project for Kellen’s teacher the entire time.

7:45 pm: Drive Brayden and Kendrie home from soccer practice, stopping at Burger King because Brayden has to use the restroom and swears she simply CANNOT make it home first.

8 pm: See teacher from their elementary school pull up in parking lot. Listen to numerous pleas and whining to go over and say hello to teacher. Wait a moment, notice teacher is not getting out of car. Tell children NO, that you are tired and you just want to go home.

8:03 pm: Overhear, with your little ear, your youngest child say in a petulant voice: “Yeah you’re tired, because you’re lazy and you don’t ever do anything.”

8:05 pm: Wonder how much reconstructive work I will need, after the way my head swiveled around and my eyes bugged out and the top of my head exploded like Mt. St. Helens.