**WHAT** REPUTATION ???

(118 Days to Go)

I want to write and say thanks from the bottom of my heart to all of you who signed the guestbook and sent private e-mails offering words of encouragement to Kendrie as she headed back to school on Monday and into what, in her 5-yr old mind, was a social minefield. It truly encouraged us to read so many notes of support for Kendrie no matter what her choice of “looks” might be. The suggestions were all wonderful and several we’ve taken to heart. … and Noah’s mom Lori’s suggestion that Kendrie write “I’m a Girl” on her behind and moon anyone in the bathroom who suggests otherwise was probably the best laugh I had all week. Thanks, Lori!

We did have Child Life come to her school and make a presentation last year and it went extremely well, so it’s something we’re keeping in mind again. Our situation this year is that her elementary school went from 40 Pre-K students, all of whom knew Kendrie and were protective and kind, to 140 Kindergarteners, most of whom have never met her and wonder why a bald-headed kid wearing Spiderman shirts and hiking boots is hanging out in the girls’ restroom. I’d wonder too, if it were me!

Monday morning was bad; Tuesday morning was worse. I spoke with her teachers on Monday and they assured me they would be talking to the other kindergarten teachers. So on Tuesday, I decided to present Kendrie with some options:

Option 1: Start dressing in clothes that are a little more “girly”. That suggestion was greeted with about as much enthusiasm as Bill Clinton at the National Republican Convention. Or the National Organization for Women. Or Monica Lewinsky' family reunion.

Option 2: Wear one of the hats she has in her drawer. She responded that she wasn’t allowed to wear hats to school. I reminded her that she wore a hat the first few months of school last year, and she informed me I was crazy … she did not.

Option 3: How about piercing your ears? I didn’t really think she’d go for this, but someone suggested it in the guestbook so I thought I would throw it out there. Needless to say, the reply was not “No”, but “Hell, No!!”, and it was worth it just to see the look of horror on her face.

So by then, it pretty much boiled down to a) make her unhappy by forcing her to dress in clothes she doesn’t want to wear ….. or b) tell her to toughen up and take responsibility for her choices. If she chooses to wear “boy clothes” then that’s fine …. but she’s not to get her feelings hurt when people think she’s a boy. The only thing about this that rubs me wrong is the whole “It’s not fair” issue ---- if she had a braid halfway down her back she could wear whatever she wanted and no-one would think twice. But combine the camouflage shorts set with her little bald head and voila! ---it’s “Hello, Sonny” and “Hey, little buddy” as far as you can hear.

I don’t think the teasing episodes are happening often. It's more that they happened previously and now Kendrie is afraid of a repeat incident. Sort of “They might make fun of me” as opposed to “They are making fun of me”. I know it happened at least three times, so I’m taking her feelings seriously, but the flip side is that if her head spins around any time I suggest a pink shirt, then there’s only so much I can do for her.

She wore her Camp Sunshine t-shirt on Tuesday and her Lighthouse Retreat t-shirt on Wednesday and told me, “I’ve been wearing cancer t-shirts so the kids would know what is wrong with me but none of them understand!” I didn’t have the heart to explain to her that the vast majority of kindergarteners can’t read yet and have no idea what her shirts say.

So, this morning, as I prepared to spend another fifteen minutes telling her why I refuse to buy her any new Kim Possible tennis shoes, which she somehow thinks will make her appear more feminine than her Dora shoes (???) she suddenly popped up in this camo outfit she stole (er, borrowed) from her friend Kody. To be honest, I was happy to see her in this. She loves it; it’s practically her favorite outfit. I’m choosing to take it as a sign that she’s getting more comfortable in her own skin, and phooey on any of the other kids who don’t get it. And if they continue to not get it, I’m grabbing a marker and taking Lori’s advice after all. :)

Hope you all have a great weekend,
Kristie
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KENDRIE’S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY: My mom came and had lunch with me today and right there at the table another mom asked “How old is your son?” Aaarghhh! My mom just gave me her special smile, but I can’t wait for this hair to grow back in!

BEST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY: I finished my steroids for this month, yippee!!! (I think my parents are more excited about that than I am!)

"NO FRILLS FOR ME, PLEASE"

(308 Days to Go!)

OK, I need to discuss with you guys a serious problem I am having. Could someone please tell me WHEN the second X chromosome that Kendrie has is going to kick in? Puberty? College? EVER???? I’m still waiting for the adorable little girl who wants to play dress up in fairy princess costumes, wear her mommy’s make up and jewelry, and play house with her Barbies for hours. Instead, we’ve got an adorable little girl who hates to wear anything pink, prefers denim to tu-tu-s, and chooses soccer and baseball over dolls any day.



Now, I know you must be thinking, “And just why is that a problem?” Yeah, ok, I have no problems with tomboys, I’ll admit that. But, I’ll tell you why! Because our first child was a girly-girl, so all of Kendrie’s hand-me-downs are girl-ish. Or at least relatively girl-ish. She owns exactly three long-sleeve t-shirts/sweatshirts that she claims are recognizable as “boy clothes”. And she wears them over and over. And over. I’m just waiting for the day this shirt, her favorite red one with the characters on it, becomes too tattered to wear …. It’s going to hit the fan then, let me tell you.



I'm so tired of seeing this shirt I could scream. I’m expecting to open the mail any day now and find an anonymous donor has given us a gift card to Goodwill, because people must assume we are poor as dirt since the girl wears the same three shirts and blue jeans over and over. Never mind the closet FULL of cute clothes with matching tights and hats and jumpers, just waiting to be worn. Also, take note of the Power-Ranger watch that never leaves her wrist. And don’t even get me started on the boots!



If it’s not these boots, it’s her hiking boots. Every single day. The closest she will get to “girl-y” is wearing Brayden’s hand-me-down PINK cowboy boots …. but only when all three of her favorite sweatshirts are dirty and she has to --Heaven forbid!-- wear her long sleeve thermal tee with the pink flowers on it that her Aunt Kelly gave her for Christmas. (Aunt Kelly, what were you thinking??? Pink flowers???)

Then tonight, I saw her and Kellen playing with the action hero (don’t you dare call it a doll!) that she picked from the treasure chest at the cancer clinic the last time she had a spinal tap. Every time she gets to pick a toy, she either picks an action figure, or Matchbox car …. Once, it was a really cool 3-ft Hulk puzzle. So I asked her to pose for the following pictures … and as you can see, the thumbs up and thumbs down pretty much sums up her feelings.






So there you go --- she’s a Barbie girl…… NOT!


OK, maybe it's not a serious problem, but hopefully those of you with tomboys out there can feel a little of my pain. For the rest of you, if you want a journal entry that’s a little more profound this week, I recommend Julianna Banana’s site. Her update today rings true for those of us who work hard to put a positive spin on this leukemia journey. Most days it’s not so bad, but she’s right, some days it is W.O.R.K.

On the cancer front for us, Kendrie had her labs done on Tuesday to see if increasing her 6MP to 125 percent would bring her counts down. They are still not as low as they would like, with an ANC of 2001. But that’s progress and her doctor thinks they will continue to fall in the next few weeks as the chemo accumulates in her system. ANC Goal is between 1000-1500. Other chemo news was the announcement this evening by her 7 year old sister, Brayden; “Hey, you guys can go to bed, I gave Kendrie her chemo tonight.”

WHAAAAAATTTTTTTT?????????

Wish us luck,
Kristie
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KENDRIE’S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:

Having a mom and dad who are such anal control freaks that they wigged out when Brayden gave me the chemo tonight. I mean, duh, it’s not like I’ve been doing it every night for months and months and months. Do they think we can’t figure it out???? Geez. I’m 5. Brayden is 7. Add that together and we’re practically a teen-ager. We’re responsible enough for JOBS, and Drivers Licenses, for Pete’s sake, and they simply aren’t giving us enough credit. We do not NEED adult supervision for something as simple and mundane as home-chemotherapy!

BEST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:

Hey, guess what! I was “nominated” to be an Honored Hero for one of the teams taking part in a Leukemia & Lymphoma Society endurance event … the Grand Canyon Hike in May of 2005. (Wow, mom's exhausted just **thinking** about it!) My mom made a new friend this weekend named Ms. Shelley who has taken part in these LLS fundraisers each year. When Ms. Shelley found out that I have leukemia, she asked my mom for permission to give my name as an honored hero for her team …. How cool is that?

"WELL, THAT’S JUST BIZARRE!"

Week #17 of Long-Term Maintenance

OK, after the head-banging song from yesterday on the site, I figured it might be a good idea to calm things down a bit. This song is calm. Way calm. As in, an hour of yoga and meditation and lavender candles---type of calm. It’s the Boys’ Choir version of "Christmas Canon"; I played the Amazing Female Singer Version (I doubt it is actually called that, but that’s how *I* think of it!) the other day ….. this version makes me want to sit with my legs crossed and eyes closed and breathe deeply. I’m not exaggerating -- I can physically feel my blood pressure go down while I’m listening to it!

Someone asked in the guestbook, so let me clarify a bit: TSO (Trans-Siberian Orchestra) is the name of the group performing all of these songs. The three albums I am pulling the music off of are: The Lost Christmas Eve, The Christmas Attic, and Christmas Eve and Other Stories. They have another CD called Beethoven’s Last Night that has the most amazing rendition of "Flight of the Bumblebee" on it, but that’s for another journal entry, I suppose. I have to admit that I have been opening up Kendrie’s site during the day and just letting the music play …. I hope you guys are enjoying the music as well.

Anyway, on to other things .....

Something sort of bizarre happened today and I’m wondering if any of you built-in-child-psychologists (ie, parents) out there can shed some light on it. In case you haven’t been paying attention, or have perhaps been dwelling under a hard stone-like substance, let me share a little secret with you: “Kendrie is not really very much of a girly-girl”

What?!?!? Am I kidding??!? I know, I know, some of you are shocked. From day one, she has preferred blue jeans and t-shirts and ball-caps and hiking boots. And that’s how she dresses most days. The kids got new school sweatshirts yesterday with the mascot on them and off she went this morning; sweatshirt, blue jeans, and hiking boots.

I was sitting in the cafeteria at the end of the day, where the car-rider kids (kids whose parents are too anal to let them ride the bus, like me!) show up. Kendrie came in like she does every day, walked right over to me like she does every day, and promptly started crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said, in between tears, “One of the boys in the other room thought I was a boy!” and crawled up in my lap, crying all the while.

What the ??????

First of all, like that hasn’t happened a bazillion times since this whole bald-thing-then-pixie-style-hairdo started? And doesn’t she realize that she *dresses* like a boy? And *plays* like a boy? Why on earth did it matter to her today???

I mean, that’s just bizarre.

Ideas, anyone?

Kristie
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KENDRIE’S PERSPECTIVE:

WORST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:
That boy hurting my feelings although my mom sure has no idea what made this kid thinking I am a boy any different than any of the other dozens of people who have thought I was a boy all along.

BEST PART ABOUT HAVING CANCER TODAY:
It took seven days and a dozen games of phone-tag with the scheduling people, but my mom was finally able to re-schedule my next clinic appointment so I don’t have to miss our local support group meeting. I know, that’s really more a good thing for my mom, but I know it made her happy.