I’ve never been a Campfire Girl, but look at me now

Growing up, my parents had a place “at the lake” which is where I spent a good chunk of my summers. While it certainly wasn’t fancy, it had electricity and indoor plumbing and screened windows and actual beds and kitchen appliances. Which meant my idea of “roughing it” at the lake meant no television or phone. And fighting for the right to sleep in the room with the window unit a/c. The time I spent at the lake as a youth without a doubt helped form my number one rule for camping today ….. basically, don’t do it.

Technically, there are aspects of camping I think I would enjoy …. Hiking, swimming, fishing, and hey, who am I to turn down a quality s’more? But my policy in life has been: If I have to put my shoes on and carry a flashlight in order to go to the bathroom during the night? Then it’s too “rough” for me. The one time I floated the Talequah River with my friends and we drove down the night before to “camp” and everyone else slept in tents? I slept in my car with the windows rolled up and the doors locked and horded my lone roll of toilet paper. I don’t even REMEMBER where I went to the bathroom, which just goes to show you it was a traumatic experience that I’ve blocked from my memory.

Imagine my delight when I found out the 5th grade at my kids’ new school (they’ve been going there ten months …. How much longer can I call it “new”?) goes on a 3-day, “Outdoor School” adventure every fall, and this year I get to go along as a chaperone!!! Woo-hoo!! (said with sarcasm) Actually, according to legend, it’s apparently great fun for everyone involved, and Brayden has been sulking since we moved here – a month after last year’s 5th grade trip - that she missed it and didn’t get to go. Yet another way we’ve ruined her life, but that’s another post for another day. The kids hike and fish and shoot rifles and look for animal tracks and study nature. They ride in canoes and perform skits, makes movies and bonfires …. which means I’m responsible for making sure no one from my cabin drowns, shoots themselves, puts an eye out with an arrow, wanders off the trail and gets lost or eaten by a bear, falls in poison sumac, or catches their clothes on fire. Aaahhhhh, good times.

No, I’m kidding --- I *am* looking forward to it. Especially because we sleep in real beds, in cabins that have air conditioning and electricity and bathrooms. Thank goodness, still not too “rough”. Although we were warned at our Parents’ Meeting that it’s a good idea to put shoes on before going to the bathroom at night …. Which doesn’t give me a warm fuzzy feeling at all.

Blaine wanted to go, but they already had enough male chaperones signed up, and not enough females, so here I go. I get to herd guide seven little girls through the entire adventure …. From getting them up in the mornings, to meals, to outdoor activities, back to bed each night. And our girls’ cabin is teamed with Kellen’s cabin, so I get to spend my days with him and his cabin mates as well, which was pretty much the whole point of me going. Thankfully I don’t have to do any “teaching” because what the hell do I know about astronomy or survival wilderness skills or hiking or archery?? Mainly, I’m just hoping I don’t fall down a mountain.

My brother-in-law is going as a boys’ chaperone. I’ve already told him he might have to get behind me and push on the way up.

So I’ll be gone Wednesday through Friday this week, and will probably come home and collapse Friday night. Blaine will carry on gamely in our absence, shuttling the girls to and from school and activities, overseeing homework, working at his own job, and getting the rest of this week’s radiation treatments. I went with him yesterday to his first one, and actually got to go back in the radiation room while they got him ready. I watched as he climbed on the table and they fitted his radiation mask over his head and shoulders and face, and then bolted it to the table. The purpose is to keep his head perfectly still, and then I watched as they aligned the laser lights over his face and took x-rays. All in all, it was ….. interesting. And creepy, if I’m being honest. He had *talked* about the mask, he had told me how much he hates being bolted to the table and how suffocated it makes him feel. After yesterday, I think I understand little better.

But, claustrophobia aside, the appointment went well, and I’m certain he’ll manage fine while I’m gone.

Seriously. It’s me, my uncoordinated body, and overweight ass trying to hike up those hills we need to be worried about. There is a Camp Nurse who attends, but it’s my neighbor, and it would certainly make for an awkward Block Party next year if the poor guy had to resuscitate me right there in front of all the kids. Wish me luck ... getting eaten by a bear might be less embarrassing.