When I received my packet from the agency, there were two profiles in it. (For privacy sake, I won’t be specifically stating anyone’s names, or reasons for needing a surrogate, or any other kind of identifying information, beyond what I need to tell my story.) I immediately started analyzing each profile, and poring over the photos each couple had sent, waiting to feel that “Click!” the other girls had talked about.
Um …. Nothing.
Well, not exactly “nothing”. It was more a matter of feeling like BOTH couples looked perfectly lovely. BOTH couples had stories that touched my heart, and BOTH sounded wonderful and friendly and down to earth in their letters. NEITHER of them said anything in their letters, or showed anything in their photos, that would have turned me off or led me to think they were not the couple I should work with. If someone had been sporting a swastika tattoo, or had maybe listed "dog fighting" as a hobby, then I would have known immediately that they were not the couple for me. But they both looked so ….. nice. It was a little perplexing. How was I supposed to choose?
I called the social worker (who has a name, obviously, but again with the privacy issue) because of course Blaine was no help whatsoever. She went into more detail about each couple, telling me a bit more about their personalities and what she thought each couple’s strengths might be as far as working together. I hemmed, and hawed, and asked some more questions. Finally, she asked, “Are you leaning more towards one or the other?” And I sort of sighed and said, “You know what? This is much harder than I thought it would be. But yes, if I was forced to choose right this very second, I think I am considering couple #2.”
The social worker paused, and then said, “Really? Because I thought you would choose couple #1.” Which of course had me asking, “Why? Are they better? Can I change my answer?”
Let me tell you, it’s very difficult to be such a wishy-washy person, and that is the reason you NEVER want me on a jury, deciding anyone’s fate. I am the most easily persuaded person on the planet.
“No,” the social worker said, “It’s not that they’re better. Just that they are closer to your own age, and don’t already have children. I just thought they might be a closer fit for you and Blaine.”
Hmmmm. This was really stinking hard. I spent another day or two scouring each profile for some hint, some clue, some lightning bolt, that would tell me THIS is the couple I should choose. And although in my gut I kept gravitating to the second couple, I had great faith in the social worker's ability to do her job well. There was a reason she had so many happy surrogates at those meetings, right? So in the end, I agreed to select the first couple’ profile. Now, my profile and photos would be sent to them, to see if they thought I looked like someone they could work with …. My GAWD, this was nerve-wracking!
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7 comments:
I can never make decisions and cannot imagine having to make that huge decision!! I am enjoying reading your story.
Happy Easter to you and your family !!
My GAWD Kristie, if this was a book, I would not be able to put it down. Do you have any idea how agonizing it is to have to wait for your next post. Just kidding of course. I'm sure it's nothing compared to you actually living through the waiting. Your life is an amazing collection of stories. You should write your story as a memoir.
Sheri in CA
Kriiiiistieee!!!!! This is agonizing!
Oh well, in the meantime, Happy Easter to the Escoes! I'll be checking back frequently.
Dixie, in CA
Can't wait for the next update! I agree....if this was a book I wouldn't be able to put it down!
Happy Easter!
Making life changing decisions that affect so many has to be extremely hard.
Can't wait for the rest of the story.
I'm so impressed with what you're doing. I wish there were more people like you out there! Good luck choosing...
Wow Kristie---- Have I told you lately how thankful I am to have your blog to read!!!! As a stay-at-home mom of one five-year old who has faced infertility hell---- m/c's, ectopic pregnancy, yada, yada, yada.......) It's just SO, SO, SO, SO AWESOME to read your blog...... It's so nice to see that another mom "gets" me, the essense of who I am, who completely understands that being able to go to a class party is SO, SO, SO much cooler than living in a bigger house or buying a better car. It's so neat to read the story of someone who so totally "gets" the stress of opk's and pg tests. (Infertility is just one of those things that you can't fully understand until you've been there. I'm sure if I told you how heart wrenching it is to hear my five-year old princess ask why she has to be an only child (albeit, the most treasured and loved only child ever :)you'd get it! Our stories arent' the same, but you've "been there"...... It's so nice to know that there is someone who totally get's how torturous it is to hear well-meaning people ask when we are going to give our much loved princess a sibling, though we have been trying for nearly five years to do so....... (We personally are leaning towards adoption..... what an encouragement it has been to see your Beautiful Brayden..... really, such an encouragement to see how much you and Blaine love that kid!) It's so AWESOME to have a friend whose has overcome such obstacles as facing the "beast" with a child and husband,and yet is still able to abound in love, and to appreciate every blessing. It's so AWESOME to have a friend who is just as in love and devoted to her WONDERFUL husband as I am to mine. (How blessed we are!) It is so AWESOME to have a friend who realizes so clearly the beauty of motherhood/parenthood and is that she isso willing to share that most precious gift with others. I think I wrote this on a post post a few years back....... You ROCK Kristie..... You Rock!
Dianna in Louisiana
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