Kellen, age 11 - August 2009

I know I'm probably a wee bit biased .... but damn, that kid is good looking. :)

SPT August 18

Self-Portrait Challenges for the month of August have to do with the (2008, I'm a year behind) Olympics, and the Olympic motto of "citius, altuis, fortius" (faster, higher, stronger.) Specifically, with how that motto can be applied to our personal ability to "uphold the ideals of the Olympic motto", as per Lelly of Lelly's Musings.

She says, "while i'm far from an Olympic athlete, i like to think that i exhibit some of the same skill and determination that they do. so this month, for spt, i will challenge myself to uphold the ideals of the Olympic motto:

citius, altius, fortius
[faster, higher, stronger]

These three words encourage the athlete to give his or her best during competition, and to view this effort as a victory in itself. Each week, think about the Olympic motto, and how it can apply to our every day lives. citius. altius. fortius. are we giving our best? can we find victories in the efforts we make every day?"


Last week, I know I thrilled you with my fantastical water-skiing ability ..... So, this week, I'm taking it down a notch. Instead of wowing and amazing you with my Olympic level athletic conquests, I'm going a little more local ...... being a little more humble .... not bragging so much about my wondrous feats .... instead, staying low key and under the radar ....

Small group game night.

Blaine and I recently bullied and intimidated our way into, basically inviting ourselves and just showing up to the point it would have been awkward for the other members to say no were invited to join a small group from our church. The purpose of small groups is to allow smaller groups (duh) to get better acquainted on a weekly or every-other-weekly basis. The church we attend has several thousand members, so this is a nice way to become better friends with a few people.

We joined a different small group last year but had problems working out childcare arrangements. Once we heard this particular small group was a family group and welcomed children, we were all over that. Even better, once every three months or so they have a family game night, and our most recent one took place this past Saturday evening.

We played a card game called 7-11, which is played with Skip-bo cards. It was a great evening of fun, snacks, door prizes, and most of all, time for the five families that attended to simply enjoy spending time together.

Since its not exactly Olympic-level activity, I thought I would spice it up with another well-known and (at least in my case) fondly-remembered athletic tradition .... the reading of the ABC Sports Intro. Who *doesn't* remember this from the Saturday afternoons of their youth???


::spoken in my best deep, official sports-y commentator voice::

::ahem::

"Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sports... the thrill of victory... and the agony of defeat... the human drama of athletic competition... This is "Small Group 7-11 Night!"


The constant variety of sports:



The thrill of victory (Kellen, in the "lucky" glasses the kids took turns wearing all evening):



The agony of defeat (the four people who tied for "biggest loser", having a play off, which I won. So does that make me the biggest loser winner? Or the biggest loser loser? Because Kellen lost the biggest loser round which he claims makes him the biggest loser losingest winner. Or something like that.)




Whatever. I don't care what you call me. All that matters is I won a 7-11 gift card, which made me pretty darn happy.



I don't think the glasses helped her too much, but she had fun being an "athlete" like me, which is all that matters in the end.


Hey, hush up. This is *TOO* a game, and its going to count towards my spt, so there.

Our weekend, in numbers:

3 -- numbers of stores I had to go to, to complete our back-to-school shopping lists. Because neither Target nor Staples had refill packages of wide-ruled notebook paper. The heck? That's like running out of number 2 pencils, or paperclips .... not acceptable.


17 -- number of times I complained about the current state of young miss fashions. Because a year or two ago, when all the girls' fashions were of midriff tops, shortened to show off my daughter's mid-section, I did not like it. She was not a hooker then and we did not want her going to school half exposed. This year, she is still not a hooker. So although girls' shirts are plenty long now, can someone explain to me why they must be so fitted? As in, curve-hugging, skin-tight, why-hello-every-line-of-your-undergarments tight? And please don't suggest layering .... three layers of skin tight clothes are still skin tight. And she is still not a hooker. And I griped about it in 17 different dressing rooms.


1, 3, 5, and 7 -- The sizes of clothes that are either too small, or too big, or BOTH, for Brayden in the juniors department. Clearly I need advice from the moms (or dads) of girls who are slightly older and slightly bigger than Brayden. She is fast approaching the day that the pants, shorts, and skirts in the kids section no longer fit, and the size she currently needs is not always on the rack. So we made our first foray into the Junior Department this year ::weep, weep:: I so don't understand. We found 3's that were too small, and 3's that were too big. 5's that were too small, and 5's that were too big. 7's that were too small; most 7's were too big. Almost all pairs were so low-rise that when she would sit down they would gap out the back and her crack would show. Thank the good Lord above that SHE refuses to wear them that way. In the meantime, I guess she'll be like her mother and buy lots of elastic waist sports clothing. Thankfully, NOT like me, they still look cute on her and she won't have to fend off questions about whether or not she is pregnant.


1,742 -- The number of dollars I spent on fresh fruit this weekend, only for Kellen to tell me he wants to take a break from smoothies.


2 --The number of trips it took to Home Depot before Blaine bought the correct color toilet seats for our bathrooms.


1 -- number of dead animals found laying in the road in front of our house.


1 - number of times my bed was wet in this weekend, by someone sleeping


1 - number of times it was an animal and not a human


1 - number of times I wondered if that was normal or if I should call the vet


3 - number of loads of laundry it caused



2 - number of hours I was in church this evening helping set up for a breakfast before I realized my t-shirt had a bad word on it.


83 -- number on the scale at Kellen's football weigh-in


many numbers above 83 - numbers of his team mates


358,389,177,893,859,373,420 - number of cockroaches our renter left in our house when she moved out. At least according to Blaine, because I am FORBIDDEN (his word, not mine) from going in the house because he swears I would have a heart attack and die and fall to the floor and the (*#$(#*)$* roaches would carry my body to their den and eat me.


120 - number of photos of Kellen I took for my photography class this week. (And yes, I will be sharing them with you, because this apparently *IS* turning into a photo blog ... which is what happens when I have nothing else to blog about. Well, photos, and dumb lists like this.)

The awesomeness just keeps coming

Since I've already, quite humbly and modestly, if I say so myself, shared with you my total awesomeness in athletic ability, I thought I would go ahead, even though I don't like bragging, even though it's really not my style to toot my own horn, even though I'm actually quite a shy and modest person ......... and show you my awesomeness in photography, as well.

These are all pictures I took this weekend at the lake. In all their un-edited, un-tweaked, un-photoshopped glory.

Try not to be jealous of my mad skillz and talent.

Would you like me to take pictures at your baby's christening, perhaps? Or maybe a graduation or wedding? Because truly, my awesomeness knows no bounds.

SPT August 11 -- AKA It's no wonder the most athletic thing I did in high school was play in the marching band

In continuing with Lelly's SPT Challenges of 2008, the entire month of August pertains to the Olympic qualities citius, opius, maximus. Citius, fortis, strongius. Citrus, fortress, strongis. Citius, altius, fortius. Faster, higher, stronger.

It is a well-known fact that I ... am extremely athletic. Grown men weep when they see me walk into the gym, knowing I am about to bury them in shame on the bench press. Professional athletes of all sports have been known to scurry away in fear when I approach. Biking, running, tennis, skydiving, weight lifting, team sports, solo events ........ truly, my talents are legendary and my skills awe-inspiring.

Which is why this Self-Portrait Challenge, to highlight myself with Olympic qualities, has been such an easy one for me. In fact, the biggest challenge I've faced has been LIMITING myself to only one activity and photograph a week. But since I don't want to make the rest of you .... even those of you who consider yourself "in shape" (finger quotes, as compared to me .....) feel bad about yourselves when comparing yourself to me and my total athletic awesomeness, I've worked hard to not be all Braggy McBraggyPants.

This past weekend, the venue of choice for me and my awesomeness was water-sports. Made sense, since we spent the weekend at the lake, that the specific area of water skiing would be one where I would shine. After all, I grew up spending every weekend at the lake, boating and skiing with my parents. This was back in the days before we had cool water toys like wave runners or jet skis. We rode in a BOAT, dammit. And we didn't get pulled around on fancy schmancy pretty-boy toys like knee-boards or wake-boards or U-skis. No, sir, we learned to ski on long, skinny pieces of wood called WATER-SKIS .... the kind WITHOUT fancy grippy foot pads or galvanized rubber shoe attachments. And we didn't have comfy, cushy ski gloves, or padded rubber ski handles, either. We held on to a wooden stick tied to the end of a rope and if you were LUCKY it only rubbed a dozen blisters off your palms and if you weren't lucky you got splinters from the wood on top of the blisters. We learned to ski young, and ski tough, by golly, and since that was all there was to do, we got darn good at it.

(Wait. I'm getting perilously close to the edge of the "we walked uphill to school both ways in the snow barefoot and we liked it" mode of lecturing, aren't I?)

Anyway, my point is that I learned to ski when I was ten, and learned to slalom ski when I was twelve. And with the exception of very few summers in between now and then, I have skied pretty much every summer since, at least one time, so I can say with pride and arrogance, "Check me out ... I still got it."

OK .... in all honesty, I might not be very athletic, but I've ALWAYS been able to water ski. Want proof? Here's a picture of me from 2006, skiing five weeks (four?) after giving birth:


The form might not be the best around, but there I am ............. upright.

This weekend, when I was ready to take my turn on the slalom, my brother-in-law Cliff, who really, really, really wants the best for me but unfortunately, is also an unfailingly honest person, asked if I wouldn't rather try wake-boarding instead. I have never enjoyed wake-boarding ... in fact, I'm not even sure I've ever gotten up on one. When I asked why he thought I might prefer wake boarding to skiing, he reminded me that they lost my favorite slalom ski earlier in the summer. He also explained to me that the new ski they bought to replace the old ski was slimmer, and caused much more drag, which makes it much harder to get up on. MUCH harder, Cliff repeated.

Inwardly, I scoffed.

(Yes. Totally scoffed.)

Come on. I've been skiing since I was TEN. I hardly think the SKI is going to make a difference. I mean, I am practically a PROFESSIONAL SKIER, Cliff .... don't even insult me.

TAKE YOUR PANSY WAKEBOARD AND KEEP IT FOR THE YOUNG WHIPPER SNAPPERS WHO DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER.

PASS. ME. THE. SKI.

"OK," Cliff replied. "Just remember you're going to need to really tuck and hang on through the drag."

I jumped off the back of the boat and got settled in the water. He threw me the ski and as I wrestled it onto my foot, I found myself thinking, "Dang, these boots are freaking tight!" In fact, by the time I got the ski ON MY FEET, I was already winded.

Cliff drove the boat around to give me the rope. I held my balance perfectly in the water (remember, I am an awesome athlete) and waited for him to give it some gas.

I remember hearing the engine rev ..........................

feeling a tug on my shoulders ............

FACEPLANT!!!

Next thing I knew, I was in the water, face first.

"Hmmmmm," I thought. "That didn't go quite like I had planned. Oh well, this is my first time this summer, and my first time on this new ski. I'm sure a learning curve is in order."

Cliff circled the boat around again ..... I held steady ..... he gunned the engine ....


FACEPLANT!!!!

As he circled around again, I made a laughing comment about how it appeared I was more out of shape than I realized. Cliff tried once more to reassure me that the new ski was difficult for even him to get up on ..... and maybe I would rather wakeboard???

Well, at that point, you might as well wave a red flag in front of my nose.

No, by golly, I'll get up on this damn ski or die trying!!!

And that's about what happened.

FACEPLANT!!!!

FACEPLANT!!!!

FACEPLANT!!!!

FACEPLANT!!!!

FACEPLANT!!!!

FACEPLANT!!!!

FACEPLANT!!!!

FACEPLANT!!!!

I must have tried twenty or thirty times to get up on that )&%*($&%)$(* ski.

At one point, I heard an emergency notice going out over the boat radio from meteorologists in the area, shocked and concerned by the sudden drop in the water level of the lake .... a total of almost six inches in twenty minutes. I can assure them that every missing drop of lake water was firmly lodged in my sinus cavity.

I couldn't get up on that damn ski to save my life.

Cliff kept offering helpful suggestions like, "Tuck tighter!" and "Keep your elbows down!" and most helpful, "Quit falling!"

I replied, "I'm too fat to tuck any tighter!" and "They ARE straight, you moron!" and "&*#$^#(*&%$#(&$!!!!!!!" (I'm sure he counts his blessings EVERY DAY that he married into this family.)

Finally, I conceded defeat. It was the first summer in thirty YEARS that I couldn't get up on a slalom ski. But I'd be damned if I was going to suffer through an entire sinus cavity full of lake water without ANYTHING to show for it, so I asked the boys in the boat to throw me the wakeboard.

Friggin' wakeboard.

I would like to point out that to anyone who is accustomed to skiing, that wake-boarding is actually quite different. Your legs are side-by side, as opposed to one in the front and one in the back. Your feet face sideways, not toes in front. And I was constantly leaning over forwards, with my knees bent, instead of a graceful back-lean like I enjoy while skiing.

And although I was upright at last, I think you can see for yourself how much fun I was having:



Now, don't you wish you were as athletic as me?

Our Weekend of Awesomeness

This time last summer, I was more than ready for school to start and to have some reprieve from the non-stop squabbling that was going on around here. This year, either my kids have been better behaved, or I've been buying better-quality liquor to dull the pain.

Kidding. They've had their moments of total obnoxiousness, sure, and we're going to have some serious laptop- and tv-habits to squelch when school starts next week, but overall its been a pretty good summer. Probably the two weeks of vacation and week of summer church camp right smack dab in the middle was a good way to break up the chunks of fighting and bickering quality time.

Since school begins next Thursday, we're trying to cram all the last-minute "finals" into the time we have left. Final trip to the water park, final matinee, final day of free bowling thanks to the coupons they passed out at school last May .... which sadly, would also be our FIRST day of free bowling, since we didn't utilize the passes AT ALL, which is just really lame and pathetic, especially when you consider its one of the few activities that take place in an air conditioned building.

This weekend we had what will probably be our final trip to the lake with my sister and her family. Who knows? We might get to go again before it gets too cold, but this was the last weekend that no-one had to rush home at any certain time on Sunday night because of school the next morning. We were able to play and sleep and eat at our leisure, no time constraints, no schedules. Stay up as late as we wanted, sleep as late as we wanted, get on the water at our own pace, stay on the water until everyone had their fill ... you get the drift.

Quite frankly, it was a weekend of awesomeness. Which I thought I would share with you ... in .... what else? Photos, of course. Because that's just how I roll.

Awesomeness in getting dirty, because that's how THEY roll:



Awesomeness in spending time as a family (never mind that we had to re-take this photo because I didn't have a towel wrapped around my neck in the first one and the cleavage, my GOSH, was truly frightening, and evidence that I need to buy a more supportive swimsuit next summer):



Awesomeness in tubing:







Awesomeness in tubing like crazy people:







Awesomeness in wondering if there would be anyone left in the tube when it finally came down (sometimes there was .... sometimes there wasn't):




Awesomeness in spending time with Grandma Betty, who I think deserves some kind of medal for braving another day, on another boat, considering what happened last time:






Awesomeness in silhouettes (I just think this is a cool picture):




Awesomeness in underage driving:




Awesomeness in total cuteness:






Awesomeness in skiing and wake-boarding:






Do you see this face? This handsome face below?




I love the kid behind this face for so many reasons ..... SO many reasons .... not the least of which is his total and complete lack of fear. Ever. To do anything or try anything or enjoy anything. Which leads me to ..........

The TOTAL awesomeness of the wipeout:








And I think overall (especially considering nobody was permanently injured or maimed in the taking of these photographs) this was a pretty awesome way to spend our final weekend at the lake.

Stay tuned for more awesomeness, as I continue with my athletic spt tomorrow .....